No one.

No one
can do what you do to me,
When you do those things you do,
When you say those things you say,
No one does or says those things
as well as you do and say those things to me,
Not like you do,
Not to me,
No one.

Love Sickness

Oh you suffer from mental illness
Your love sickness,
Symptoms:
Mania – abnormally elevated mood, inflated self-esteem, extravagant gift giving, incessant singing
Depression – tearfulness, insomnia, loss of concentration,
OCD – preoccupation, checking (text messages/emails, etc), and hoarding valueless superstitiously resonant items.

Put down your phone
Brain scans indicate the sickness has spread
Failure, beep beep boop beep
The first aid card expired last November
Resuscitation without license?
How does it feel like? Green
How does it touch like? Red
How does it taste like? Red

I admire your struggle,
I envy your strong will, your lies, your eyes
An intellectual heart, a dilettante in love
It’s best to let the sickness finish
My heart is tough, loud and wanting
Picking up pieces
Pennies in the fountain
Your pennies, nobody’s pennies
Oh you suffer from mental illness
Your love sickness.

One of those nights.....

You're the prince to my ballerina
You feed other people's parking meters
You encourage the eating of ice cream
You would somersault in sand with me

You talk to loners, you ask how's your week
You give love to all and give love to me
You're obsessed with hiding the sticks and stones
When I feel the unknown
You feel like home, you feel like home

You put my feet back on the ground
Did you know you brought me around
You were sweet and you were sound
You saved me

You're the warmth in my summer breeze
You're the ivory to my ebony keys
You would share your last belly bean
You would somersault in sand with me

You put my feet back on the ground
Did you know you brought me around
You were sweet and you were sound
You saved me

You put my feet back on the ground
Did you know you brought me around
You were sweet and you were sound
See I had shrunk yet still you wore me around
And 'round and 'round

This Ladies and Gents is my Father....

This is a paraphrased conversation I had recently with my father...

" Hi there Rachel, how are you?"
" You have tried to get in contact with me for the past couple of days now. I have been thinking about things a lot and I realized it was time to confess that I’m very, very angry with you. Like...hate, even."
" oh?"
"I don’t want to speak to you until you are ready to apologize to me. I want you to apologize for 1) leaving our family after only 3 days of debate. 2) For telling me about this decision in a letter, alone in my room, rather than to my face which is nothing less than what I deserved. 3) For manipulating and using me to steal money from my mother. And 4) for being completely emotionally unavailable to me my whole life.

Unless you are ready to take responsibility and apologize for all these things, I don’t have anything further to say to you.

Goodbye"


He hasn't called me back, I doubt he will. I think I will be happier if he doesn't.

Happy Anniversary

I'm okay now. =)

Still breaking

I loved him when our love was best,
I love him now there’s nothing left
Except sorrow, sunken swollen webs

How do you get over the love of your life?
The end, it comes in slow doses
Red drunk nights, red drunk wrists
I’m disappearing
Cut my name out from your heart
The knives of true love are deep
Free you from the memory of bad dreams
But careful, now
That’s for you
Do not undo the vines of barbed wire
Tight around my rib cage
The pain, it holds my heart together
The glue of sabotage
The comfort of a self named victim, Hero
August’s ire has struck again, hurricane season
Every damn year
Hungry for the end
Hungry to turn the other cheek
To hold him, to stab him

I watch my lovelies play in the yard
Trying to redefine my family, my happiness
Please, tell no one how I visit you
I am living on the crumbs of love.

Heart break

We saw the best in each other, but could not cope with the worst.

Today it hurts, today I own my loneliness.